By David Menzies

Talk about taking the law into your own hands. The traffic law, that is.

An Ottawa resident apparently fed up with motorists cruising through his neighbourhood as a shortcut decided to slow things down by erecting fake stop signs at a key intersection. What’s more, the stop signs – and the corresponding white lines painted on the asphalt – have apparently been in place for about a year.

In fact, the official-looking stop signs would likely still be there today if it wasn’t for an alert crew of city workers who happened to notice the signage wasn’t set in concrete (which is how genuine Ottawa stop signs are erected.)

An investigation has since been launched, and the culprit could face a fine of up to $5,000 per infraction. Alas, officials aren’t getting any cooperation from the residents of the neighbourhood, all of whom are embracing the Sgt. Shultz mantra of, “I know nothing! I saw nothing!”

In the meantime, a city committee is now studying whether legitimate stop signs should indeed be in place at this intersection.

Granted, in this day and age of Mike Holmes and Debbie Travis, it’s quite trendy to be a do-it-yourselfer. But methinks erecting one’s own homemade traffic signage is a bit of a stretch.

I also ponder where the trend may evolve from here. For example, can’t find a place to park downtown? Then bring along your own parking meter and plunk it down exactly where you’d like to leave the car. Don’t want to walk all the way to the traffic lights to cross the street? There’s no better timesaver than erecting a makeshift crosswalk at the precise place you plan to cross.

Hopefully no one will take this too far, mind you. Erecting a few fake stop signs does no harm, really. But doing the Wile E. Coyote thing of painting a fake tunnel entrance upon a solid brick wall could very well result in a mishap or two.

We should all have extraordinary empathy for victims of violent crime. And it’s always difficult to offer a contrarian viewpoint when dealing with a grieving mother. That said, Carol deDelley, the mother of Timothy Mclean, is focussing on the wrong target.

Last July, Timothy Mclean had the misfortune of sitting beside Vincent Li on Greyhound bus 1170.  What occurred when the bus was just outside Winnipeg is the stuff of horror movies: Li stabbed Mclean and decapitated him.

Understandably, deDelley is still grieving. What loving parent wouldn’t be? But recently, she let it be known that she wants the bus in which the murder took place permanently taken off the road.
The bus in question has been refurbished, cleaned, renumbered and is now situated in another province. You’d never be able to identify the bus formerly known as 1170 from any other Greyhound on the road. Yet, deDelley calls the continued use of this bus “disrespectful” to her son’s memory.

With all due respect, Greyhound has been respectful in making certain this bus is now just an anonymous vehicle in its fleet. Had Mclean been murdered in an office tower, surely no one would call for the building to be razed?

Rather, the memory of Timothy Mclean is being disrespected by another entity: the justice system. Not only was Li found not criminally responsible for the murder, but one of the options being mulled over recently was to release him back into general society without informing the public. Privacy rights, apparently, extend to psychopaths.

Thankfully, public outcry regarding this odious option was deafening. As it stands now, Li will be confined to a psychiatric ward for at least a year. And the public will be apprised of future directives.

That’s just not good enough. I don’t give a rodent’s rectum if Li is mentally ill or that he’s making “progress” in his treatment. Li is extremely dangerous. I want to see him incarcerated for life. Period.

Bottom line: let’s not get sidetracked into pressuring Greyhound to get rid of a now-anonymous, run-of-the-mill bus. Rather, let’s focus on a justice system that can be equal parts inexplicable and egregious in its decisions. Let’s try to keep Li, as opposed to a bus, off the road. Permanently

If this were the tech and gadgets blog, yesterday would’ve been a pretty big day for us. Apple unveiled its new iPhone 3GS, with numerous new and improved features, including voice recognition, up to 32 gigabytes of storage capacity, and the ability to record video. But we’re not the tech and gadgets blog, we’re the Autos blog.

Nevertheless, its unveiling at the Worldwide Developers Conference 2009 does pertain to the world of autos.

First up, the 3GS will be available with a proper navigation system, which makes use of the new built-in compass. While it is true that the current iPhone already comes equipped with Google Maps, providing maps, directions and basic navigation on the go, it isn’t the most brilliant nav system on the face of the planet (I’ve experienced it firsthand, and have gotten lost with it).

The new navigation system, developed by TomTom, features the company’s purpose-built software and an interface that TomTom users should be familiar with. However, unlike most other iPhone apps, this one comes with some hardware: a cradle to hold the phone, and a suction cup to attach it to a windshield. Pricing for TomTom’s application has yet to be announced, but it will likely be cheaper than its portable navigation systems.

The next cool idea is sure to be appreciated by anyone who’s used a car-sharing service. ZipCars announced its first application, which allows users to find the nearest ZipCar location via Google Maps – and book it. This is a pretty big step forwards in terms of convenience; to book a car previously required the use of a computer and an internet connection. Once a car has been booked and reserved, the phone also doubles as a keyfob; through the touchscreen interface, the user can unlock the car and even honk the horn to help locate it.

Finally, with increased functionality, including speech-to-text, and voice-recognition, the iPhone 3GS users will be able to dial and control the phone’s various functions in a hands-free manner.

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It’s an unwritten rule when it comes to parking etiquette: first one to find a parking spot gets it. I believe it’s a variation of the “finders/keepers” regulation which has been around since, oh, the dawn of man.

But a couple of entrepreneurs in Montreal, Philippe Guévremont and Dominic Chartrand, are aiming to change the time-honoured street parking rules. And if their idea ever does gain traction, Montrealers might want to keep 9-1-1 on the speed dial given the potential for misunderstandings.

Here’s the deal: by logging on to www.maplace.ca, a motorist in search of a place to park can reserve his spot in advance. That certainly beats endlessly circling the block in the hope of snagging a vacant chunk of asphalt.

The Maplace website allows the future parker to note all the required information for a perfect parking spot, such as where and when the spot is required. The computer then does all the nitty-gritty work, tracking down a spot, reserving the spot and taking credit card payment in advance. Drivers are then given a grace period of about an hour to get to their reserved parking spots. For now, the program is mainly limited to downtown Montreal.

There appears to be a growing market for Maplace’s service, which was launched in April. Primarily through word-of-mouth, more than 1,000 motorists have already signed up for the service. In addition to saving time, Maplace notes motorists will also save gas as they needn’t aimlessly cruise city streets if reserved spots await. The company also claims its method of parking is “safer” than the traditional method, noting that accidents sometimes occur with other motorists and even pedestrians when the mission of finding a parking spot takes on overtones of musical chairs combined with Beat the Clock.

All of which may very well be true. Even so, if the sacred rule of “finders/keepers” is about to go by the wayside, I sure don’t want to be the Maplace guy telling the hungry hordes, “Sorry, sir/ma’am – keep on cruising. This space is reserved for someone else.”

It probably isn’t a big surprise to hear that the United States Air Force is having trouble with recruitment. In the wake of a few other (less than successful) campaigns, the U.S.A.F. has commissioned Galpin Auto Sports – best known for its Pimp My Ride creations – to build a pair of custom modified vehicles to capture the attention of would-be enlisters

The Vapor is based on the Dodge Challenger. Inspired by Knight Rider’s KITT, the Vapor's main goal is to fly under the radar. Its all-black exterior features Galpin’s “Stealth” body kit, radar-absorbing paint, custom carbon fibre wheels, plus a custom exhaust system that allows the car to be driven in silence. Other gadgety features include steering wheels for driver and passenger, proximity sensors, and a 360-degree camera that has a vision range of a quarter mile.

The U.S.A.F.'s second car, the X-1, is based on the Ford Mustang GT Coupe, but it’s been decked out with scissor doors, a body kit and a tuned engine that kicks out 500 horsepower. But the real differences are found inside. The Mustang’s cabin was gutted and replaced with a jet-fighter style layout, complete with three LCD screens for night and thermal vision displays, a joystick in place of the steering wheel and an ejection seat.

The two vehicles will make their rounds across the United States this year, highlighting the U.S. Air Force’s 2009 Super Car Tour. It’s set to stop at Air Force-sponsored motorsports events including the DUB magazine auto show, Hot Import Nights, Battle of the Imports and Formula Drift races.

 The X-1's interior

- For more images of the X-1, click here.

- For more images of the Vapor, click here.

Over the past couple of years, the number of upstart supercar manufacturers has bloomed. Brands such as Zenvo, Ascari, SSC and others have brought their six-figure machines to market to challenge more storied brands like Ferrari and Lamborghini.

Some, however, are a little more quirky than others. A prime example is this, the oddly-named Bewerp Savage Rivale Rodyacht GTS.

But the name isn’t the only peculiar thing about this Dutch droptop. Firstly, there’s the way it looks. It’s a bit odd, and rather angular in a cool, Italian ‘80s Lamborghini Countach kind of way, and what’s more is that its beetle-style doors should give Lamborghini’s a run for the money. Traffic pylon paintjob aside, its kitsch factor is furthered by the fact that its doors can be opened remotely via a custom wristwatch.

The second odd thing is the fact that the Roadyacht is a four-door convertible, a body configuration that isn’t popular. Besides the Jeep Wrangler Unlimited, I’m hard pressed to think of another four-door droptop.

Last but not least is its performance. Based on the Chevrolet Corvette, the Roadyacht GTS is powered by a supercharged LS7 V8 that develops 670 horsepower and 538 lb.-ft. of torque. This engine provides sufficient power to propel it to 100 km/h in less than 3.5 seconds, and to 200 km/h in less than 35 seconds.

With a top speed of 330 km/h, the Bewerp is also the world’s fastest four-seat convertible, snatching the title from the 322 km/h Bentley Continental GTC Speed.

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So it’s come down to this. One year after celebrating its centennial, General Motors, the world’s largest carmaker for 77 of its 100 years of existence is broke. This is a dizzying spin into irrelevancy that no one would have predicted a few years ago.

You’ll be hearing a lot of nostalgia for the “old GM” over the next little while. But that company — the 20th century giant that once led the auto industry in styling, engineering and marketing — hasn’t existed in a very long time. You’ll also read in the media about the external “if onlys” that could have prevented GM from its current mess.

“If only the price of gas didn’t go up last summer.”

“If only the U.S. sub-prime mortgage crisis didn’t stop people from buying Hummers.”

“If only there weren’t so many retired UAW members to support.”

But the cold truth of the matter is this: After decades of mismanagement and arrogance based on past glories — from the boardrooms in Detroit, right down to your local dealer service counter — the General only has itself to blame.

While the current economic recession will go down in history as the final blow to GM, the company started relegating its industry leadership role as early as the 1970s. The two oil crises of that decade shook the foundation of the company from a product standpoint. However, instead of responding to what educated car buyers were demanding — more fuel efficient and better-made vehicles — GM spent millions in court fighting tougher government fuel economy and safety regulations. All the while, it was looking down at compact cars from Japan and Europe like carnival sideshow acts. Things only went from bad to worse from there.

During the 1980s, GM became distracted from its core business of making cars. Instead of taking on the surging import brands in the showroom, it poured billions into high-tech firms (EDS) and defence contractors (Hughes Aircraft). GM did made an attempt to take on Honda and Toyota with its Saturn brand in 1985 (several more years would pass before production started,) but the self-titled "Different Kind of Car Company" never received the financial or product support it needed from HQ. Today Saturn — along with Saab and Hummer — is being sold off.

What some critics consider the largest albatross around GM’s neck today — the legacy employee retirement commitments — dates back almost two decades. In 1990, the automaker’s management agreed to the UAW’s jobs bank, where laid off workers would receive almost their entire pay cheque until a new spot opened up on the assembly line. Trouble was, the recession of the early 1990s pretty much killed off any recovery or opportunity for those workers to get back to making cars.

During all those critical management miscues, throughout the years, GM’s market share continued to shrink. But no one steering the sinking ship would admit or react to the leaks quick enough. For the past 15 years, GM has simply had too many models, too many brands, too many plants and too many dealers.

In the end, will filing for bankruptcy return GM to its former glory? The challenges seem insurmountable.

There are certain to be additional plant closures and employee layoffs announced this week. But GM still suffers from too much manufacturing capacity relative to its market share. Sure, it’s shedding (or at least trying to) half its brand portfolio from eight to four. But having to support Chevrolet, Cadillac, Buick and GMC may still be too much to handle.

The bottom line: All the billions (and billions) of tax payer-funded government bailout money in the world can’t erase 40 years of consumer perception that GM doesn’t build the best cars in the world or treat its customers as well as they can.

In the end, it was the product, GM. Something the “next GM” needs to never forget.

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Ford’s much anticipated Fiesta is still about a year away from arriving in dealerships, but in preparation, the brand is doing just about everything in its power to get North Americans acquainted with its European-designed subcompact.

You might’ve noticed that it has started to appear in Ford’s television commercials, not to mention its clever Fiesta Movement campaign, in which young, ‘net-savvy “agents” were given 100 Fiestas and a series of missions to accomplish, blogging and posting their results on YouTube and other social networking sites.

To keep the momentum building, Ford is now targeting a different crowd – motorsport enthusiasts. Backed by Sweden’s Olsberg Motor Sport Evolution, it will run a pair of Fiesta Rallycrosses in this year’s Pike’s Peak International Hill Climb, North America’s second oldest motorsport event.

The cars will run in the Unlimited Class, and feature a 2.0-litre turbocharged motor from Ford’s Focus WRC cars, though they’ve been modified to produce more than 800 horsepower. The cars have also been converted to all-wheel drive from front-wheel drive, and feature a suspension setup designed with input from Ford’s motorsport division.

Piloting the two cars will be Olsberg Motor Sport Evolution’s head, Andreas Eriksson, and two-time FIA World Rally Champion, Marcus Grönholm.

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The time: 5:20-ish. The place: A plaza in Richmond Hill, Ont. The issue: an able-bodied driver without a permit is occupying a parking space reserved for the disabled. Just 10 paces away – yes, 10 – sits an ocean of empty parking spots.

I have a choice to make: ignore the slight and keep walking. Or take a stand against ignorance and entitlement. I decide to do the Batman thing, albeit without the de rigueur cowl and cape.

I start off politely, simply pointing to the blue and white signage festooned with the wheelchair icon. The driver sees me but ignores me. If he’s trying to make me mad, he’s succeeding.

I then tell the thirtysomething, able-bodied driver he cannot park his Toyota Corolla there. He lifts his hand and lamely waves it, as if he’s shooing away a bug that’s crashing his picnic.

I snap: “Don’t be so selfish! Move it already!”

I receive the one-finger salute and a glare.

I’m left wondering how I can possibly escalate this dialogue without breaking a law or two myself. Frustrated, I say through clenched teeth, “Where’s a cop when you need one?”

And then I hear this: “It’s OK, sir. I’ll handle it from here.”

To my utter astonishment, a bylaw officer is making a beeline toward the Corolla. The driver sees him, too. He cranks the engine and whips the car into reverse. Nice try. He’s not going anywhere. Not with the bylaw officer standing next to his rear bumper.

Plan B: the jerk instantly re-invents himself as Mr. Nice Guy. He lowers the driver’s side window and is suddenly all smiles and chuckles. He rattles off a series of pathetic excuses and feeble apologies. The bylaw officer continues scribbling. Ouch. Looks like a three-figure ticket.

My weekend is off to a superb start. Toyota Boy? Not so much. Granted, some of my joy is derived via schadenfreude. But hey, nobody can say the creep in the Corolla wasn’t given fair warning.

Ever mindful that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I must nevertheless ponder who’s getting revved up by those ads featuring almost-naked obese men donning garments that appear to be one-part thong/two-parts diaper.

I speak of the current Subaru campaign featuring a squadron of sumo wrestlers merrily shaking their Tribeca-sized booties. I’m trying to remain open-minded, but to quote Col. Kurtz in Apocalypse Now: “The horror… the horror…”

The sumo dudes are everywhere – on billboards, upon posters in dealer lots. There have even been live appearances at various auto shows.

The most disturbing use of the Subaru sumo squad is surely the TV ad in which the super-sized wrestlers attempt to wash a Forester. Predictably, the water goes everywhere it shouldn’t. There are also a few not-for-the-squeamish shots of copious quantities of belly flesh pressing up against the SUV’s windows. It’s reminiscent of that scene from The Blob.

OK, I do get it that the ad is meant to be an ironic take on just about every heavy metal music video ever made incorporating hot cars and hot babes. The sort that features car-washing gals invariably getting more soapy water upon their tank tops than on the vehicle they’re ostensibly cleaning. (I’ve yet to witness such scenarios occur in real life, although I assure you: hope abounds.)

Still, for my money, the best comedic take on the use of sex in car advertising is the brilliant Nissan spot, “Toys”, in which G.I. Joe steals away Barbie from Ken (thanks to Joe possessing a smokin’ hot 300ZX, naturally.) Airing in 1997, it’s perhaps the best 60-second TV spot to come of that decade. Better yet, it’s heavy on humour… not horror.

Thus, at the risk of sounding homophobic (and perhaps cellulite-phobic), can Subaru please call it a day with the quarter-ton son campaign? Or, put another way: Crocodile Dundee – for the love of God, man – please come back to promote the Forester. I assure you, Paul Hogan, given the blubbery alternative, all is forgiven.